Find Your Crazy

"I'm gonna work at the top of that building someday. I'm gonna run the whole thing!" I said. I was 8 years old and foolish. Or was I?

Maybe I was (am?) a genius. Hell, there's a damn fine line between crazy and genius, right? I mean, c'mon, think about Einstein. Some of the greatest discoveries he made - relativity, E=MC^2, etc. - were all before he turned 30. Crazy - or genius?

Today, a friend's mom sent me a text message to ask how I'm doing. (Hi, Nena!) In response, I said, "I'm okay! Never satisfied - always aiming for higher and better. It's the best and worst part of life." Funny how a character limit can force you to have an epiphany.

But it's so true!

At what point can I be satisfied - content - with my life? The more I ponder that question, the firmer I believe that life is a permanent struggle - always learning, pushing, reaching, striving for more, for... everything.

It all boils down to the fact that I'm a perfectionist. "Good" simply isn't good enough. And it never will be.

It's the reason why, when I meet guys who are genuine and kind-spirited but who don't challenge me or encourage me to take risks, I become disinterested. It's also why, after I finish a project, let it sit for some time and return to re-evaluate it, I become critical and... disgusted.

And my writing? Yeah, I perfect that too - line by line until it reads like my words echoing over the phone or in a car on the way to the club.

But life is not a blog post or a project - it's a journey. An imperfect, messy journey. And the farther along we travel. the crazier it gets. And that's okay. It's okay to falter.

Never stop being crazy - reaching for the stars and saying, "I'm gonna run the whole thing!" 'Cause if you don't aim for the sky, well... then you just aren't crazy enough to reach it.

No Matter What, Be Yourself

Who are you? No, really, who are you?

Are you shy or outgoing? Independent or needy? Neurotic or laid-back? Assertive or passive?

What it all boils down to is: how well do you really know yourself? The only way to gauge your own character is through failures and successes – experiences that shape who we are as individuals, which inevitably takes a considerable amount of time and a whole hell-of-a lot of trial and error.

It’s never easy – but it is always rewarding.

I’m far from perfect. Sometimes, I just don’t know when to stop talking or how to not wear my heart on my sleeve. I tend to push the limits – to put it all out there without always fully thinking through the consequences of my speech or actions. But that’s just me, and it’s taken me quite a long time to realize who I am as a person and how I tick. Without testing my boundaries, how would I know my comfort zones?

But through it all – ups and downs, highs and lows, bitches and hoes – one lesson reigns true: if someone isn’t willing to accept you for who you really are, they aren’t worth your time.

It’s that old Dr. Seuss saying all over again. You know the one: “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

If you know me in “real life,” you know that I’m bubbly, witty and goofy – I’m always going up to random strangers and asking them intimate questions. Sometimes there’s alcohol involved and other times just water – but nonetheless, I’ve always had an innate passion for getting to know someone on a deep level. At the same time, though, I’ve learned how to self-disclose and remain “cool” simultaneously.

The entire process is usually exciting and thrilling and fun. And then there are the times where I meet someone and they turn out to be completely different than I thought. And it sucks.

Maybe it’s me getting ahead of myself or making myself too available, but more often than not, this happens with guys from clubs. I know, I know – how cliché, right? I meet a guy, “click” with him and all signals lead to “optimistic.” And then I find out who he really is – Douche-y McDoucherson. It’s only downhill from there.

I’ve deleted so many numbers, told so many guys where they can shove it – and for what? Self-preservation. Because, at the end of the day, I know who I am; I know what I want and I know exactly how to get it. The truth is: I always have!

It’s an amazing feeling to finally be totally comfortable in my own skin – regardless of my daily mood or appearance. I have “ugly” days too – but all the while I still know that I’m attractive inside and out and that I am a good “catch.”

When the right guy comes along who can trust, support and love me for being me –not who he wants me to become, but who I truly am – my life will be complete.

Don’t get the wrong impression, though. I’ve been single for four years, but I’m in no rush to devote myself to a guy who’s not entirely worth my time and energy. My cardinal rule is to never settle and I don’t intend on going back on that now.

The only way to move is forward along my journey in life, wishing and hoping that the right guy will come along (if he exists).

But if he doesn’t, at least I’m content with myself and confident enough to know that I’ll feel more fulfilled as an accomplished single man than as a used, jaded, broken-hearted, relationship-plagued attached one.

I’m not apologetic for who I am – and you shouldn’t be, either. Because if you aren’t yourself 100% of the time, then who are you?

Love Is Not Reserved For Valentine's Day

February 14th sneaks up on me each and every year. It's like remembering I have a dentist's appointment or finding out that I bounced a check. Yeah, that bad.

But this year I'm trying to take a different approach. Key word: trying. I mean, it really is just another day. The holiday has no astronomical significance - and even if it did, would it matter? It's all arbitrary, really.

I was inspired to write by something that KarenSnyderDuke posted on Twitter. She said, "Resist hating Valentine's Day. If anything, it should be a simple reminder to love people every day—and tell them that you do."

And it really stuck with me.

If you think about it, we have several days - Father's and Mother's Days among them - where the whole point is to acknowledge your appreciation for a specific someone. For Valentine's Day, that specific someone just happens to be a significant other.

Whether you're married, widowed or single, V-Day represents so much more than cards and candy - it's about stopping for one day to pay attention to the people in our lives who add value and positivity.

Because as our lives become increasingly time-compressed, stress-filled and digitally-driven, we take the little treasures for granted.

The point is: tell someone you love them - or remind someone you've already told. Smile at a stranger. Say "please," "excuse me" and "thank you." Tell someone who's struggling "it's all going to be okay." And, most importantly, tell yourself that life is not about possessions and vanity, but rather about the journey upon which we are all so fortunate to embark.

So don't let tomorrow sneak up on you: face it head-on with a smile - not because you're pretending to be happy, but because you know that things could be worse.

I Have Something Important To Say

Listen up! See, what I have to say is infinitely more important than whatever you're doing - 'cause I'm more important than you will ever be.

Like, I have this dream, and one day it's gonna come true! Have you seen my Twitter account or YouTube videos? I mean, come on! I totally deserve my own reality TV show!

Ever heard any or all of the above? Chances are, you have.

It's a sad, sad fact that so many people today have such an inflated sense of self. Let's call it the "When I Grow Up" fallacy.

It's the reason why people who legitimately CANNOT sing go on American Idol. It's also why everyday Joe's and Jane's honestly think that they're America's Next Top Model. Hell, maybe it's the same reason I started this blog - or why people write blogs in general.

We all want to feel important and well-liked, right?

Wrong, so wrong.

You see, everyone has a need for validation. It just seems to me that my generation has a dangerous - even desperate - need for it. It's why we take to our Facebook and Twitter accounts and why we text incessantly despite being surrounded by others in a crowded restaurant or club.

And in an increasingly small (a la Thomas Friedman's "flat") world where truly anything is possible, our irrational thoughts are only reinforced by the fact that there are some out there who really do "make it big."

But the reason why most of those who achieve their "15 seconds of fame" do so is because they speak and act out the loudest - not because they're actually talented. It's like Jersey Shore vs. Justin Bieber. Or a guy-who-is-escorted-off-of-American-Idol-because-he-can't-admit-the-fact-that-he -will-never-have-a-music-career vs. Kelly Clarkson.

I read this hilarious blog the other day titled, "5 Signs You're Talking To A Social Media Douchebag." It was absolutely genius. Pay special attention to point 2: They Actually Think They’re Internet Celebrities. Honestly, who do you think you are?

And I also stumbled upon this article titled "Mr. Rogers Lied To Us," which talks about how my generation was brought up to think that we're "special." It's so fascinating how people today simply don't want to work - they almost expect to become famous on YouTube, Twitter, MySpace or some other online platform.

But we feed our own addictions. People simply can't get enough of Jersey Shore. "It's like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away," some say. But by not looking away we reinforce the idea that we can make a name for ourselves by going out to clubs, getting drunk and having promiscuous sex. Last time I checked, 99.9% of Americans are NOT socialites, so STOP acting like you are one, or that you'll be one by making a fool of yourself.

The reality is: that simply isn't reality. You are NOT the exception. If you were, you'd be getting by on your talent, not your talk or outrageous actions.

I hope that, as a result of this vain rant, we can shift our attention to important matters, like rebuilding Haiti, facing the damaging truth about climate change and, of course, saving the world.

But maybe that's just it. We're too scared to face reality that we create our own alternate, glittery version where everyone's drunk and fornicating. Hell, we could all use a little vacation from our troubles... unless I'm wrong and you have something more important to say.

Miami vs. New York: The Best of Both Worlds

It's safe to say that, at heart, I am a "city boy." The extent to which that's true, I'm not really sure. I do long for open fields with sunshine and a soccer ball, but then again I never took advantage of that in Miami. And I digress...

I've taken to this blog to face an inner struggle that I've been living ever since I moved from Miami to New York. The question I've invariably been unable to answer is: Did I make the right move?

I love New York - I do. This city is beautiful and inspiring and forces you to find the strength to pursue your dreams. But am I happy? Honestly, for the first time since I moved to the city, I feel comfortable. I have a great internship that pays me well and gives me good hours and allows me to take the reigns and build a social media communications department. And I have a great apartment and a sweet, caring roommate without whom I would not be where I am. But, personally, I'm lonely. I don't really have any friends here besides those I know from UM or Details. And I don't have the time or financial resources to go out and make them.

And then there's Miami. The grass is always greener, right? As much as I couldn't wait to get out of the 305... I can't wait to go back! I'm actually headed there on January 27th to spend nearly 6 days celebrating my 23rd birthday with some amazing friends whom I miss dearly. But I digress again...

The biggest trip-up I have when I ponder my time in Miami is: do I miss Miami, or do I miss UM? Do I miss my friends, or do I miss the city? It's really both. I miss the weather - terribly. I hate winter. I still don't have a proper winter coat. I miss throwing on shorts and a t-shirt and flip-flops and heading out the door. I miss knowing that it will rain almost every day between 2:00 and 3:30 pm. I especially miss the partying in Miami - what a great time! Miami was my playground - and that's just it... New York has not been fun by any means. It's been quite a struggle.

Let's face the facts: strip away the tropical location and great clubbing and the city of Miami has little offer, especially for someone as ambitious and dedicated as I am... at least in the fields that I want to pursue. Building a media and/or publishing career in Miami just sounds strange... unless you are doing it in Spanish.

So why did I ever leave Miami for New York, you ask? I had to get away. As the stubborn, headstrong guy I am, I had to prove it to myself that I can make it here. Like Jay-Z says, "If I make it here [in New York], I can make it anywhere."

Honestly, though, it was so much more than that. First, I wanted a city that would challenge me professionally and intellectually. I didn't think Miami could do that for me, and that's just my personal opinion. Second, I wanted a city with good public transportation. New York has arguably the best in the world. And Miami's? Well, it sucks. And I don't want to buy a car and pay for gas and insurance just to waste my life sitting on US-1 or I-95 N. Oh - and I want to be green! But public transportation SUCKS! You can't rock out to your favorite songs with your friends while you roll down the windows in mid-December and take in a beautiful sunset.

It really pains me to see my good friends have absolutely AMAZING apartments and actually pay LESS per month than I do! It's crazy. But then I read articles like this one and I feel comfortable that I chose New York to start my professional career in one of the worst recessions of the last century.

My solution? As the diplomatic person I am, I want both! Wouldn't it be amazing to split my time between New York and Miami? If and when that would be possible is yet to be determined.

But home is where the heart is. And my heart isn't in New York. It's spread out in the University Center at UM, around Lake Osceola, on the computers in the Ibis office, in the back booths at Moon, on the dance floor at Buck15, in the condos of Brickell and on the sand of the beach at 12th street. And you better bet I'm going to reclaim it next week, and do some serious thinking in the process.

Beggars: Friend or Foe?

The phenomenon of people begging in the New York City subway is not a new one. When one first moves here, it's a true rite of passage to be asked for change - and it's not always in the traditional way, either. There are musicians, dancers, bag ladies, drunkards - it's really a part of the "melting pot" charm offered by living in such a large metropolis.

But, it wasn't until I could barely afford the rent, ate ramen noodles nightly and lived paycheck-to-paycheck and penny-for-penny that I realized how truly scary it is to be in that situation: feeling lost and defeated, as if I had somehow fallen through the holes of the weak safety net of society.

False sense of security? You betcha.

Now, as I ride the "L" train back home each night, I turn down the volume on my iPod and listen to the "stories" told by these individuals - tales of military service, death in the family, the economy.

And I simultaneously feel two polar opposite emotions: sympathy and disgust (or maybe anger is a better word). As these people hop from train car to train car, I toil away in front of a computer, struggling to make a name for myself - to prove that I am "worthy" in the media industry. And I can't help but realize that these select few are probably able to scrounge up more change per hour than I am afforded as an intern.

So, which is more sad: struggling and working hard or struggling and hardly working?

At the end of the day, I still make progress: the net somehow pulls me above the scary divide between success and failure over which I dangle so desperately. And they slip through.

It is illegal to solicit someone for money in the subway here in NYC (see Section 1050.6 b of the NYCMTA's Rules of Conduct) and as a law-abiding citizen, striving and hoping for the best, I turn my cheek. But that doesn't mean I don't notice the beggars' plight. God bless them because I can't help but feel their pitiful pain.

Climate Change: The Real Problem

"Responsibility. What's that? Responsibility. Not quite yet." - MxPx, "Responsibility"

I just read an article on the recent decline in public concern over climate change. And what a doozy it was! Be sure to read some of the comments below the actual post, as some of the readers have some fascinating commentary.

In recent years, we have all been bombarded with talk of carbon emissions, melting ice caps, rising oceans, increases in temperature, deforestation, ozone depletion... the list could go on forever. Oh, and don't forget Hollywood's continual exploitation of apocalyptic theories, a la "2012" (in theaters now), "The Day The Earth Stood Still," "Knowing" and even ABC's new prime-time hit, "V."

But what's the real problem? In my opinion, it rests with the acceptance of responsibility of our actions - a problem of much grander proportions that straddles many issues. And when I say "our actions," I'm not talking about the current generation, I'm referring to our actions as human beings and inhabitants of Earth, the only home we have.

Who cares about the specific levels of CO2 or the accelerating rate of climate change? We can argue the data for centuries. The point is that we need to accept responsibility for our actions and set a dignified example that we respect our planet. And the United States needs to be a leader in this process, NOT a follower as in recent years.

Create alternative energies, clean up our cities, plant a tree for every one that's cut down and, most importantly, change our current lifestyle to fit one that is in harmony with natural resources, as opposed to exploiting them for our own personal gain, which is what got us into this literal and figurative environmental "mess."

Thomas Friedman, critically-acclaimed New York Times writer and author of The World is Flat, wrote a piece for the NYT magazine, entitled "The Power of Green." It's a long article, but definitely worth the read. In it, Friedman discusses the importance of "the China price," a sustainable world economy and the perils associated with the USA's dependency on foreign oil. But the premise behind his entire argument is a proactive responsibility that is currently lacking in our society, and across the globe.

So as we continue to wage pointless political wars over whose side has more credibility - the left or the right, liberal or conservatives - we drive our gas-guzzling machines, hopelessly destroy our planet to drill for oil and build structures designed to crumble.

The carelessness never ends.

It's the "Boiling Frog Syndrome" screaming right in our faces, but to which we are unfortunately deaf. The only question left to ask is: will we be able to wake up in time to counteract the damage we have already done and slow the processes which we have placed in motion? We can only hope the answer is "yes," and do everything in our power to make changes in our own personal lives.

The decision is yours. Will you make it?