Tuesday, February 16, 2010

No Matter What, Be Yourself

Who are you? No, really, who are you?

Are you shy or outgoing? Independent or needy? Neurotic or laid-back? Assertive or passive?

What it all boils down to is: how well do you really know yourself? The only way to gauge your own character is through failures and successes – experiences that shape who we are as individuals, which inevitably takes a considerable amount of time and a whole hell-of-a lot of trial and error.

It’s never easy – but it is always rewarding.

I’m far from perfect. Sometimes, I just don’t know when to stop talking or how to not wear my heart on my sleeve. I tend to push the limits – to put it all out there without always fully thinking through the consequences of my speech or actions. But that’s just me, and it’s taken me quite a long time to realize who I am as a person and how I tick. Without testing my boundaries, how would I know my comfort zones?

But through it all – ups and downs, highs and lows, bitches and hoes – one lesson reigns true: if someone isn’t willing to accept you for who you really are, they aren’t worth your time.

It’s that old Dr. Seuss saying all over again. You know the one: “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

If you know me in “real life,” you know that I’m bubbly, witty and goofy – I’m always going up to random strangers and asking them intimate questions. Sometimes there’s alcohol involved and other times just water – but nonetheless, I’ve always had an innate passion for getting to know someone on a deep level. At the same time, though, I’ve learned how to self-disclose and remain “cool” simultaneously.

The entire process is usually exciting and thrilling and fun. And then there are the times where I meet someone and they turn out to be completely different than I thought. And it sucks.

Maybe it’s me getting ahead of myself or making myself too available, but more often than not, this happens with guys from clubs. I know, I know – how cliché, right? I meet a guy, “click” with him and all signals lead to “optimistic.” And then I find out who he really is – Douche-y McDoucherson. It’s only downhill from there.

I’ve deleted so many numbers, told so many guys where they can shove it – and for what? Self-preservation. Because, at the end of the day, I know who I am; I know what I want and I know exactly how to get it. The truth is: I always have!

It’s an amazing feeling to finally be totally comfortable in my own skin – regardless of my daily mood or appearance. I have “ugly” days too – but all the while I still know that I’m attractive inside and out and that I am a good “catch.”

When the right guy comes along who can trust, support and love me for being me –not who he wants me to become, but who I truly am – my life will be complete.

Don’t get the wrong impression, though. I’ve been single for four years, but I’m in no rush to devote myself to a guy who’s not entirely worth my time and energy. My cardinal rule is to never settle and I don’t intend on going back on that now.

The only way to move is forward along my journey in life, wishing and hoping that the right guy will come along (if he exists).

But if he doesn’t, at least I’m content with myself and confident enough to know that I’ll feel more fulfilled as an accomplished single man than as a used, jaded, broken-hearted, relationship-plagued attached one.

I’m not apologetic for who I am – and you shouldn’t be, either. Because if you aren’t yourself 100% of the time, then who are you?


  1. <3 it. You're right, it takes conviction to stick to your guns and know what you want and who you want to be. As cliché as it will sound you really can do bad all by yourself. You don't need somebody else confirming how unhappy you are. I'm overly-confident that you will find someone who compliments you as will I. Filtering out the undesirables is just a process like anything else. It can be daunting and arduous, but it's rewarding in the end because when you know the alternatives it helps you keep your focus and appreciate what you have. Get it boo.

  2. Every week I look forward to coming home and reading your blogs. As a writer you have always inspired me. I feel as though you are next to me talking through your words on the screen. I had just written you a long 30 minute response explaining how I would rather check in online and read your blog each week than watch a sitcom such as Desperate Housewives, but then the "Post Comment" button errored and erased everything I wrote. That is a story for another blog entry I suppose. Though it is my fault for hoping to write something so long without first typing up a draft in an "offline" source such as Word.

    Back to the point, your entry reminds me of this past week's episode of Grey's Anatomy. One of the characters, Christina Yang, explains how she made changes to herself for a previous character, Burke. She laments that throughout their relationship she slowly changes for Burke, sometimes without even knowing. One day she might agree to skip a surgery and the next she might even lie. By the time she looks in the mirror to get married she could not even recognize herself.

    Your entry hits this point home. No matter what be yourself. ALWAYS. We have all made changes in our lives, how could you not? If you never texted in college and hated people who did, because you could always call, but now you work a 9 to 5 and can only text your roommate that you will be home late, you have changed. But these are healthy personally acquired changes. I agree with you, the day you start changing for someone else is dangerous.

    It might be days, weeks, months, or years, but one day, like Christina, you will look into a mirror or sit down on a quite Sunday and it will hit you. You don't even know who you are or how you got there, and I will be the first to say, this is a rough day. I was at that point during Christmas break of my Junior year of college. I realized I didn't know who I was or how I was handling my life. That's a rough moment to come upon.

    What is important however is to have friends around that help out. For me, boys definitely come and go, but friends can last forever. As I have said many and many times, your way of writing brings you closer to me. No matter what, through your blog, twitter, texts, or even the occasional phone call, I can say we are friends that can last forever.

    As for me, time to copy this version into Word before I hit post.