My Seven Musings on Social Media

Despite the fact that I’m technically a social media “professional,” I highly dislike it when people refer to me as a “guru” or “expert.” How is it possible for anyone to be an “expert” in a field still in its infancy? Hell, we’ve all been using social media—the same social networking sites—for the same amount of time. On the other hand, though, there are those who “get” social media and those who don’t. I believe that there are plenty of insightful minds that have a unique perspective to offer regarding the social media space—and I include myself as one of them. But I will always correct someone who refers to me as an authority in the digital space because I still learn something new every day. Here are just some of my recent musings in regards to the social media movement:

1. Social media is not your savior.
Social media is a tool—a platform—to connect with others like never before. Too many people out there think of social media as an end rather than a means to reach an end. The truth is: social media by itself isn’t going to save anyone—it’s how the medium is used that has brought so many personal and professional brands success and direct access to their enthusiasts. Just remember: simply being involved in social media is not good enough—doing something with that presence and maintaining a strategy that allows you to be original and fun is what will take your brand to the next level. And even beyond that, unless your brand is consistent and delivers a quality product or service, social media—no matter how it is used—will not hide your flaws.

2. Participate for yourself first.
In this case, it’s okay to be selfish. Social media, while inherently about conversations and connections, must add value and utility to your life, or brand, in order for it to be worthwhile. Thus, you must receive some added benefit from your participation or else there’s simply no point. While building your brand in the social space and engaging with others, don’t lose sight of why you’re there—to express your thoughts and ideas. Connecting with others is just a part of the process. “News” is no longer simply about political unrest, natural disasters or economic uncertainty—our lives revolve around the social “news” of our friends and various circles of social influence. At the center of all those circles, though, is the self. Remember that.

3. Be a persona.
Take the mundane and make it your own. Chop it up, mix it in your mind and serve it to others in a fun and creative manner. The brands that succeed best in the social space are those who personify their name and who demonstrate understanding of pop culture and “hip” trends. Be yourself but put yourself out there and kick your personality into high gear. This, of course, doesn’t work for everyone. But, from my experience, establishing your niche and being creative are never hurtful in establishing a connection with others and leaving a memorable brand impression as well.

4. Social media is not your megaphone.
My biggest problem with some people in social media—and especially on Twitter—are those individuals and companies who utilize the platform not for engagement or adding value to the lives of followers, but rather as a megaphone for their agenda. I’m sorry, but that’s not what social media is all about. Just like any other marketing medium—know your audience and cater your messages to them. At the same time, know your brand and stay true to it. Never, ever ask your followers to re-tweet what you share. That’s just absurd. As my good friend Amanda says: “I realize that I have that option, thanks.”

5. Always question the obvious.
This point isn’t necessarily particular to social media, but it’s still extremely relevant. Why? Because there’s a lot of hype and exaggeration in social media. Take everything with a grain of salt and reckon it with what you already know. Be skeptical of “news,” question sources and always dig for your own truth. Learn how to cut through all of the junk and get to the valuable grains of information and entertainment that you seek.

6. Be honest, open and vulnerable.
One of the aspects I love most about social media is its candidness—the requirement of disclosure and openness. People know that nobody is perfect. In the social space it’s vital to show your imperfections and connect with others who are enduring the same hardships—or successes—as you. Because the truth is: when you open yourself up to others, they’ll open up to you. And that’s what being social is all about. (P.S. No “corporate speak" allowed!)

7. If you think you shouldn’t post it, do it anyway.
Don’t hold back, dive in headfirst and take chances. Laugh, cry and over-share. Be witty and original. Bottom line: don’t question yourself. People will understand your brand more if you say what’s on your mind. Granted, there are some topics and posts that are not appropriate for social media—think racism, stereotyping and other offensive content. But the overall point is to interact with others who either agree or disagree with your views. This sharing process allows us to learn and connect with our peers.

What are your thoughts on social media? Would you add to or take away from anything on this list? Why or why not?

Speak up—tell me what you think!

Those Other Three Little Words

Today’s post is not about any one discrete event, person or situation—but rather a phenomenon I’ve noticed for a while but have been unable to articulate. And I’ve been itching to write another blog on relationships since the last one was so well-received…

You see, there are very few absolutes in life—and little, if any of them, apply to relationships. However, in my opinion, it’s time for people to stop being so damn fake.

Fake?! Yes, fake.

Oh, yes, I just went there. Honestly, it’s not meant as an attack on anyone—this is more about a cultural and societal issue of not being upfront with others. And it happens so often in dating and relationships that we must call ourselves out and stop this nonsense.

So, how do we do that? Well, it’s easy! You see, we all need to learn those other three words that are so vital to being honest with others—and ourselves. We all need to learn how to say, “I’m not interested.”

Oh, boy: the age-old question of, “Does (s)he like me?” It’s a toughie. And there’s never a 100%-assured answer. Oh, unrequited love, how you torture us!

But, to be honest, things would be a lot easier—and we could all live much more fulfilling and transparent lives—if everyone could just be, well, more honest.

I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard that go like this: X meets Y. X and Y go on a date. X likes Y, but is unsure if Y likes X in return. X and Y hang out several more times and everything seems to be going great. Then, Y disappears or becomes some other form of “shady.” Well, what the hell happened? Did Z get jealous of the alphabet action and decide to jump in? (Ha!) But, for real, this is a scenario that happens all the time. I like to call it “being phased-out.”

It really makes sense if you think about it. Something had to happen with Y to all of a sudden become disinterested or unavailable. And it’s not necessarily important what happened; however, it is critical that all of us Y’s out there learn how to communicate with the X’s (no pun intended) and tell them “I’m not interested.” Conversely, all of us X’s must learn to adapt to the situation and not over-react too early on in the game, or be clingy.

Because nothing is more unattractive than desperation.

At the same time, though, we all deserve a little clarity—some reassurance that our investment into the connection is a worthwhile one. This is where the honesty comes into play. Guys and girls out there: learn how to be more in touch with your emotions and communicate them with others. Life is too short to play games or get hung up about letting someone down or being let down.

And all of us Y’s out there need to learn to stop letting the X’s down easy. What’s the purpose? Us X’s don’t want to hear any of the following:

1. “You’re a great person, but…”
2. “It’s me, it’s not you.”
3. “I still want to be friends.”
4. “I don’t deserve you.”
5. “One day you’ll find someone who will love you like you deserve.”

Hey, Y’s: you don’t mean these things when you say them, so why do you even bother? You’re not helping out the X’s by letting them down easy. Actually, you may not realize it but you’re making it more confusing for the X’s because you’re not being honest. Muster up some courage and self-respect and start admitting how you really feel:

1. “You aren’t the right person for me.”
2. “It’s definitely you and not me.”
3. “The connection just isn’t there.”
4. “I don’t think you deserve to be with me. (Duh, I’m dumping you!)”
5. “Good luck! I’ve got another date after this awkward breakup.”

Because you’re not doing anyone any good by being fake. And we’re all guilty of it. We’ve all been an X and we’ve all been a Y. If you’re an X more often than a Y, try seeing the situation from the latter’s perspective—if the opposite is true, then vice versa. Hopefully, then, once we see that we’ve all been there, we can be honest enough with ourselves to fully open up to others.

So, learn those other three words—and prevent yourself from saying those cliché lines that are so transparent. Why “phase someone out” when you can cut them out? You don’t really want to be friends anyway! Isn’t it about time you start telling people that? Hell, if GaGa can admit it, can’t you?

4 Ways to Land Your Dream Job

I have a dream job, I really do. Who would’ve imagined that an obsession with social media—Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Foursquare, etc.—could lead to a career? It’s amazing. And I wouldn’t trade it in for anything.

But things weren’t always this rosy.

Unfortunately for me, I graduated during one of the worst economic periods in our country’s history. It took nine months and a lot of sacrifice to reach where I am, and I learned a lot along the way.

Here are some general lessons that will help guide you along the journey to landing your dream job.

Do what you love.
What are you good at? Seriously, what can you spend hours doing without ever realizing it? There’s got to be something that you enjoy more than anything else. Find it and focus on it. At the end of the day, your happiness is what matters most. The only way to reach that happiness is to take what you love and turn it into a career. Your parents may want to kill you—and will probably give you lectures about medical benefits and saving for retirement—but throw caution to the wind and go for it, even if you have to be a “starving artist” for a while.

Specialize in something – but be good at everything.
Find your niche. If you’re interested in graphic design, which type? Do you enjoy publication design? Branding? Illustration? Pattern making? If you want to be a photographer, what type? Do you like runway photography? Catalogue shoots? Prop styling?

At the same time, though, you need to be a chameleon. Your boss would love nothing more than to hear, “I can do that, too!” Always remember to stay true to your personality and brand, but know when to adapt. Your style comes second to what your client wants or boss demands.

Networking is not about first-degree connections.
Think of your network as a web: you’re at the center and your immediate connections surround you. You can try all you want to get a job or internship through those first-degree connections, but chances are that they have the same connections as you! The further removed a connection is, the wider “net” you can cast in your search. It’s not about whom you know—it’s about whom those key second, third and even fourth-degree connections know. Most likely, their connections won’t be in your network—and that’s a good thing! Nurture these relationships and be ready to tell them all about what you specialize in and what you have to offer.

Have a destination in mind.
Where do you want to be in a year? How about five years? Where do you want to end up? These are questions you must ask yourself in order to guide your journey to your dream job. Without a final destination—a goal—you’re blind and powerless. Would you travel cross-country without a destination address? Exactly. Have a plan—it’s okay to stray from it as long as you know you can still get to where you want to go.

These are extremely simple, I know. But it’s the simple things in life we forget.

Have any other time-tested truths to landing a dream job? Share them in the comments! Then send this to a friend. Good advice never gets old (hey, I can toot my own horn a little bit, right?).

Photo via Veronica Sharon. (She's my roommate and an awesome photog, check her out!)

Take Time For Yourself

After a busy day at work—and a fun, yet not-so-restful weekend—it was nice to come home tonight and do nothing. Literally nothing—I just ate and watched TV.

I know you’ve come to expect long, detailed and essay-like blogs from me, but I’m not so long-winded all of the time. Tonight’s message is simple:

Love yourself first. Take time out for yourself that you can call your own. Don’t feel pressured to live a fast-paced lifestyle all of the time. It’s okay to turn your phone off for a night and just think.

Stop to enjoy life in its simplicity—happiness doesn’t require a whole lot; it truly is the little things that matter.

Are you paying enough attention to them—to yourself? Do it! It makes everything else so much more worthwhile.

Five Reasons You Must Be On Twitter

So, as most of you already know, I've literally made a career out of tweeting. Honestly, I never planned for things to be this way. Hell, I didn't even have a Twitter until April of 2009. (My Twitterversary is coming up, yay!)

But there are a lot of people out there who are skeptical of Twitter - and social media in general. In my conversations with others who aren't on Twitter, I inevitably have to ask, "So, why don't you tweet?"

You may or not be surprised at how predictable the responses are. There are three primary reasons:

1. I don't know what to tweet about!

2. I don't want to hear about what people are doing at every second of the day!

and/or

3. I already have Gmail, AIM, Facebook and LinkedIn. Do I really need another site to maintain?

Have you heard any other reasons? Please share them in the comments.

Here are my comebacks:
1. You do have something important to say! What are the random thoughts that pop into your head? What do you think about that new ad campaign? Did last night's episode of Lost really suck?

2. Don't follow people who just tweet "eating a sandwich" or "about to go grocery shopping" - follow people who share interesting stories, links and ideas, and be sure to avoid talking about the mundane as well. Feel free to talk about whatever's happening in your daily life, but put a humorous spin on it! Here's an example: instead of saying "worst commute ever!" say "Chris + hangover + screaming children + packed train = NOT HAPPY."

and

3. I agree--another site kinda sucks. BUT - the added value you'll receive by taking part in the Twitter community will far outweigh the time and energy you have to put in. Because as long as you are sharing relevant, interesting content, people will follow you and you will grow your personal "brand."

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you're an artist, architect or assassin, the truth is: you can't afford to NOT be on Twitter. Here are the 5 reasons:

1. Information
Twitter is an amazing resource for news and information. Links are shared, ideas spread and topics trend. Every major media outlet has a Twitter feed. Often, news breaks on Twitter before anywhere else. It's worth the investment to be connected, which leads me to my next point...

2. Connections
In the realm of "social networking," Twitter is the easiest and most open platform to network with others. Wanna find people who share similar interests with you? Just search for specific keywords or hashtags and follow them. Start a conversation with them and BOOM, you have a connection! But, at the end of the day, Twitter has so much more to offer. Unlike any other closed network (i.e. Facebook, LinkedIn, Brazen Careerist, etc.), Twitter allows you to send a tweet to literally anyone - a celebrity, a newscaster and even the President. How is this relevant to you? Well, if you're a freelance photographer and really like that shot in V magazine, you can look up the photographer on Twitter and say, "I really admire your work" or "How can I be as good as you?" or "Are you looking for an intern?" You can literally apply this situation to any profession. Wanna message that editor but don't know his or her email or phone number? No problem - tweet them! Twitter has flattened our world more than any other social media platform - and that's an amazing resource. Are you really willing to pass that up?

3. Simplicity
Twitter is simple: you have 140 characters and that's it! Who would've thought that a character limit could spur creativity? Well, I guess the same principle applies to time crunches and deadlines, but I digress. The point is: Twitter is not a complex array of features like Facebook or LinkedIn. You share your thoughts, period. No frills, no overly-complicated platform.

4. Soundboard
Twitter, even more so than Facebook, has an amazing way of answering the questions it is asked. Want feedback on your project or blog? Ask your Twitter followers - they'll tell you! Want to ask what others thought of the big game? They'll tell you! What about ideas on an upcoming product or a controversial issue? Yup, you guessed it: they'll tell you! See what I mean? Ask and you shall receive! Can your LinkedIn do that?

5. Word-of-mouth
There's no doubt that Twitter is the best thing for spreading messages since email or Facebook. Twitter's inherent "re-tweet" nature has a viral quality to it that is unmatched by any other digital social resource - that's what'll help you get noticed! In this regard, Twitter has a "Wikipedia-like" aspect, where a common knowledge can only benefit you - i.e. the "water cooler" talk in the morning.

So - can you really afford to decline to take part in the conversation? Honestly, what do you have to lose? You do have important thoughts and ideas to share, I know it! You don't have to bore yourself with mundane topics - just don't follow those types of people! That's the beauty of Twitter - it really is what you make of it.

How much longer will you resist? If for nothing else, join so you can see what the fuss is about. You'll only make your personal brand more marketable in the process. Especially if you follow me.

Happy tweeting!

The Soundtrack of Your Life

What are your favorite songs of all time? Seriously, what are they? Don’t gimme that whole spiel about “Oh, I couldn’t possibly pick one or even five!” – you have your favorites, just check your iTunes play counts! And if you change your mind all the time, what are the five songs that really pull at your heartstrings – and not just in a sad way?

When you hear those songs, do they take you back to a specific time period and place? Can you feel the same emotions now that you did then? I’d honestly be surprised if you answered “no” to those questions.

Music is such an integral and powerful part of our lives. All of our senses are unique in their own right, and all of them have a distinct impact on our memory, but our auditory sense has an especially acute ability to bring us back to particular moments in our lives.

Hell, whenever I hear “Achy-Breaky Heart” I’m instantly taken back to when I was four years old, dancing in a white t-shirt and tighty-whities around the living room while singing into the TV remote.

And then there’s Mariah, of course. As most of you already know, I have a slight obsession with Mimi – she’s my favorite musical artist. It only takes a short, two-second clip of any of her songs and I’m immediately feelin’ emotions higher than I ever dreamed of – pun intended.

My favorite song of all time is probably “Honey” by Mariah. Every time I listen to it, I get butterflies in the best way possible – and I become giddy and optimistic. Why? Who knows! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’ve been dancing around to that song for over a decade. Or maybe it’s because I imagine myself back on the beach in Miami whenever I hear it. Whatever the reason, that song will forever have strange powers over me.

I’m a music freak. Some people grow out of it – my Dad sure as hell did – but I don’t think I ever will. I follow music blogs like Musicboxmix (shout out to Louie!), constantly download new music and never turn off my iPod. I’d rather have it this way.

So what are your favorite songs? Tell me in the comments! If I don’t already have the song, I’ll download it. Nothin’ like sharin’ a lil’ musical love, right? Mhm.

Let's Play A Love Game

I’m no love guru – hell, I’ve never even been in love, and my relationships have been far from rosy – but this Shecky’s blog by Kellene McCaffrey really got me in the mood to give amorous advice.

In the blog, Kellene discusses the classic “Disney deception” case – that, as children watching Disney movies, we are engrained with a faulty formula for finding love: boy and girl have a chance encounter, live completely different lives but fall madly in love and then somehow live, as they say, “happily ever after.”

Ironically, coming across this blog was perfect timing for me. Not only have I just recently passed a huge benchmark in my love life – I’ve been single for four years now – but yesterday was the first time I saw the romantic comedy The Holiday with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. Yes, I cried.

Back to the point – after the movie yesterday, I became deeply introspective about relationships and what makes them tick. Here’s what Disney taught us:

Our dream guys are:
1. Busy being “dreamy” – in other words, they have a job that keeps them out of trouble.
2. Ready to meet the right person for them.
3. Just as vulnerable and hurt as we are.
4. Active and in-shape, perhaps even part of a sports team or fitness organization.
5. Open and inviting.

Our dream guys are not:
1. Dancing with their shirts off and tweaking on cocaine and ecstasy at the club.
2. Shady and inattentive.
3. Vindictive, misogynistic assholes.
4. Lazy, unhealthy couch potatoes.
5. Judgmental or jaded.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “Okay, those lists are great, but I could’ve made those myself.” And, if you did say that, you’d be perfectly right. But, let’s face it; you weren’t going to sit down and make those lists yourself, were you? Right, that’s what I thought.

Okay, moving on. There are some protective measures we must all keep in the back of our minds as we meet new people and explore our boundaries with them.

Protective measures:
1. He’s just not that into you – you’re not the exception and he won’t change for you. Quit tolerating his bullshit excuses and wake up!
2. Guys enjoy a pursuit, so let them chase you – don’t text him incessantly just to let him know you’re thinking about him.
3. Don’t tell your friends about him – the more you talk about him, the more you feed your “hope baby,” (a term coined by my dear friend Noel - do you have a blog so I can link back to it, boo?) the idea in your mind that this guy is Mr. Right.

So what’s the bottom line? Be nonchalant. Like Chuck Klosterman says in Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs, "Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less." So, be the one that cares less – at least in the beginning when the situation is unclear.

How do you care less? Enjoy being single! Think about the perks of being a bachelor or bachelorette:

Advantages of being single:
1. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want.
2. You can do whomever you want, whenever you want.
3. Your only obligation is to yourself, your friends and your family.
4. Time to learn and grow.

So, I bet you’re wondering: “If you know all of this, Chris, then why are you still single?” Well, I’m wondering the same thing. Hell, who doesn’t want companionship? Who would turn down a truly devoted boyfriend who will challenge you and from whom you can learn? It makes me wonder: does the above advice keep one guarded a little too much? Because, at the end of the day, love is being oneself and putting it all out there, right? Sort of.

Let’s take the gay world for example: 20% of heterosexual couples meet online, as opposed to 61% of homosexual couples who facilitated their relationship via the Internet. That’s a pretty staggering difference between sexual orientations, wouldn’t you say? Yeah.

On gay personals sites, nothing is left to the imagination anymore – the days of taking the time to get to know someone have been replaced with interview-like messages and scripts of conversations that detail stats and sexual positions. And don’t forget the sexting and x-rated photographs before you even meet that person on the other side of the wireless connection. It really is all put out there upfront.

Are we really naïve enough to think that complete and immediate self-disclosure will create an exciting and fruitful relationship? Connections take time to develop – spilling your guts and deepest, darkest secrets to someone that you just started messaging thirty minutes prior is probably not the best idea. Think about it!

And then I think about Sarah M. and Julie S., two friends from high school with whom I’ve recently reconnected via Twitter, and whose blogs I read all the time. Sarah M. is a UNC Chapel Hill graduate, an amazing artist and writer and a cute, active blonde. Julie S. is in seminary, remains true to her principles and is a charming, sophisticated young woman. Now, how is it that two intelligent and respectable young ladies have remained single for so long? Honestly, I don’t know. All I can say is that there’s something wrong with a world where people like us aren’t snatched off the market.

So, is the key to put yourself out there or to remain guarded? Honestly, like the blog I wrote about being yourself 100% of the time, I can’t say that you shouldn’t put yourself out there. Life is about taking risks and pushing the limits; however, at the same time, those risks must be calculated and, as such, we must calculate the amount of ourselves we should reveal at any given time. The point is: find your personal balance. What are you willing to tell someone that you’ve only known for thirty minutes? How about 30 hours? And 30 days?

Love takes time. I’ve tweeted this several times, but love doesn’t just come around like Keri Hilson says it does. It takes effort and commitment and mutual self-disclosure that is spread over time in a healthy, non-chat-room-like manner.

And, if none of that works, you know the relationship wasn’t meant to be. Because the person you’ll end up with – the guy with whom you will share your “happily ever after” – won’t lie to, cheat on or judge you. That doesn’t make them a prince; it makes them your faithful counterpart. Monarchies died hundreds of years ago – and so did horses as the primary means of transportation – so why are you still acting like Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella? Your desperation isn’t getting you anywhere – smarten and toughen up and play the game just as well as the guys do. Maybe then they’ll respect you enough to let you in.